"Future," "Meeting Women," "Picking Up Women,"

"Attracting Women," and "Relationships"

Future is an interesting but very overlooked dating and relating concept.

Future is the essence of a relationship. It is the "why" in "Why we have a relationship."

If we didn't care about future, our dating and love life would be different.

We would simply wake up in the morning, go about our life and randomly hook up with someone for some romantic pleasure, then go our merry ways respectively.

While there are a few people who do live their lives this way, most of us care about future. We want to hook up with someone romantically that we can also hook up with in the future over and over again.

Most of us are concerned with future, and yes, it is the driving force behind the concept of a relationship, yet it is seldom talked about and there is little education on this topic with respect to dating and relationships.

So let's break the mold and start addressing it. Because understanding and creating "future" makes meeting women, picking up women, attracting women, and relating to women much less dificult.

All of these activities start, survive and end on the concept of future. But it is key to remember that it is not just future alone, it is "future" mixed with acceptable activity in the future. And all the other techniques I have talked to you about - such as gradients - need also be applied to future.

Even though you could walk up to a strange women and say "Do you want to go to my place in 10 minutes and have sex?' And even though that would be creating a future, it would not be (most often) creating acceptable activity in the future.

Seduction is the art of using "future" and gradients to create acceptable future activity leading to a goal. So asking a girl out to dinner, having great conversation, some hand holding at the movie, back to your place for a nightcap, some kissing..well this will lead to the same place but will work much more often and with more women than the other technique.

But the other techniques - do you want to go to my place and have sex - IS creating future and will actually work a small percentage of times (1 out of 100 -1000). And the guy who did that would be more successful than the guy who talks to women, creates no future, then just walks away.

So let's start with talking about how future can be applied to "meeting" women and even "picking up" women.

If you don't have "creating a future" as a target in mind when you begin this kind of activity in can be a mistake. You can randomly talk to a women, establish no future, then just walk away when the conversation is over. This would be a mistake and you would leave with some sort of odd feeling of  "I wonder if I should have said..I wonder if I should have asked her."

When you are trying to meet or "pick up' women, make your job easier. Have some attention on future and a goal to walk away with an agreement to contact each other again in the future for some reason.

The most obvious way to establish future is to ask a girl out on a date. But when it comes to strangers walking down the street, well it might work on "not-so-hot-chicks" but definitely does not work on " really hot chicks" as they get asked out about 15 times a day every day.  They also get tired of guys just being interested in them for their body.

So with hot girls the goal is to establish future without seeming like you are only interested in their body. Best way to do this is to engage them in some sort of conversation, find an area of mutual interest, then find something they are really interested in that you know, and say you will email them or call them with some information on it.

Since you are not focusing on how "hot" and sexy they are, they will most always accept and/or return your call or email.

Probably the hardest task of all is to stop some hot chick walking the opposite way from you dead in her tracks, engage her in a conversation, and establish some future with her. To do it you have to do it gradiently - one step at a time. Like stop her and ask her for the time or directions, then notice something interesting about her. Like "where did you get that watch.my sister's been looking for one just like it. do you mine if I write this down.hey you know another good place is... "  or "Wow, that's a neat cell phone. Do you like it? Mines a piece of junk..so's my service..what service do you have..etc.

The point is always to end this gradient conversation with you having some information - name of a store, etc - that she would really be interested in that you can't remember right now, but that you can get from your sister, or you have it written at home, etc...which gives you a good reason to call her in the future to give her the information..now of course she knows you are really calling because you are interested in her, but if you do it this way, she won't feel like a piece of meat, she'll think you have some class, and she'll answer the phone,  or call you back when you leave a message.

Another way to apply "future" to "meeting" and "picking up" women, is to make it easier on yourself to begin with. As I said, the situation above is one of the hardest to tackle successfully. But the easiest thing to do is to try to meet or pick up women in situations with "future" built in.

For example, going to the mall, and checking out all the women who work there gives you a "future" advantage. They work there. They'll be there again tomorrow, next week, etc. So here you don't have to stop her dead in her tracks and have this insanely clever conversation.

When a girl works somewhere and you know how to see her again, a simple smile or flirt will do. You can have a conversation without pushing it all the way to asking for a phone number.

The fact that you can smile, or flirt, or have a simple conversation and come back multiple times without taking it all the way, means to a woman that you are checking her out, that you have standards, that her personality is just as important as her looks. You won't even make a move until you thoroughly check out her personality. Women like that. Makes you romantic, mysterious. They'll start wondering - will he, or won't he.

Situations with built in future give you the advantage over the street and clubs and other random places where you may never see the person again.

You need to know how to handle both situations to be successful however. You never know when or where you might meet "Miss Right."

When you focus is on picking up women in a club or a bar for an immediate future like a one-night-stand, you need to plan out intermediate future goals to achieve your purpose.

When you walk up to a girl in a club or bar you should have something like this in mind for the future: She will pair off with you exclusively, then want to go somewhere else with you, then want to make out with you, go home with you, etc.

So you simply have these points in mind and watch what is going on and know when to take it to the next level. So when she pairs off with you exclusively (the first good sign of interest), take it to the next level. Say let's go to the back room (where you can make out) it's more cozy. Or say let's go to the club down the street - better music. Or do you want to get something to eat? (Which can be a prelude to making out in the car.) Or saying let's go to my place for a night cap..get the picture?

If you don't have these future activity points thought out and in mind before the approach you might blow what otherwise could be a very lovely evening.

Future continues to play a role in relationships as relationships develop. On a first date, I always look to see if a woman tries to establish future with me. If she does, then I know she likes me. I also try to establish a little bit of subtle future with her, or better yet try to get her to establish future with me as the date progresses.

Rather than asking a girl if you can go out again at the end of a date (and missing all the clues the whole time) it is better to get her signals and give your own throughout the date.

And it is MUCH better to mix your future with a common interest, rather than having everything focus on just going our with her again. Everyone wants future, but no one wants future with some obsessive, clingy person.

So if the conversation, for example, gets around to a mutual interest, like say Bruce Willis movies, and there is a new Bruce Willis movie coming out next week, that is the time to say "Hey, you want to catch the movie together. It would be fun seeing the movie with someone who likes him as much as I do."

The biggest thing about establishing future is doing it right. Guys know they have to establish future with a girl. But telling some stranger she is hot, and asking her out on a date doesn't work most of the time (it does work some of the time depending on the girl) and especially doesn't work with hot girls.  Because it gives the girl the impression (rightfully so) that the guy is only interested in sex.

So when the purpose of establishing future is obviously sex - most girls don't like it. When the purpose of establishing future is to obviously check her out because you might like her if she has a nice personality and common interests - most girls love it. That's what girls do. That is what they understand. You'll score big if you do it this way.

So that is the theme in those first few dates leading up to getting intimate. Once you are intimate, the future factor changes. And the emphasis in the second stage of dating (post intimacy) is establishing just how much future and what quality future do you want to have with this person. - Daily future, twice a week future, once a week future, etc. Lovers future, boyfriend/girlfriend future, no commitment future, marriage future.

The kind of future at this stage that no one usually wants is the clingy "I just want to be with you" future with no other interests or commonality defined.

Now if you want to have a good relationship it is important to be honest with yourself and your partner  at this stage and really define for them the kind of future you really want, and get them to define for you the kinds of future they really want. If you fail to do that early on, you can fall into an undefined relationship that is too comfortable to leave, but not comfortable enough to marry.

Not where you want to be..where you want to be is to clearly define for your partner what kind of future you are looking to create and have them clearly define for you what kind of future they are looking to create. If your futures meet, you stand a better chance of making it in the future. If you are not creating the same future, then better to move on while you can, or redefine the relationship as lovers, or friends or some such relationship that has no romantic future that is just enjoying the present for however long it lasts.

Now when you finally take the plunge and you are boyfriend/girlfriend, living together, married, or even in a non-traditional relationship such as lovers or friends with privileges, etc. you must sill create future. Again the quality of the future create will shift.

Once you have committed to a relationship and the future is no longer mysterious and the conversation and create is no longer centered around "will we get married?" etc., you still can't take a person for granted. Just because they said they will be there forever and ever amen, doesn't mean they will -even though they meant it when they said it. 

About the only mistake you can make, once committed, is to take someone for granted and to stop creating future with and for them. So all that stuff you did to create future with and for her to get her, is all the stuff you still must continue doing to keep her in the future.

If you keep that attitude, you will have a successful relationship.

Perhaps the topic of "future" activities together might change. Perhaps now it is talk about future children, future career, future houses, boats and cars. Or future grandchildren, future retirement, future travel, etc. But still the little future things that got you started should not stop. So "hey - new Bruce Willis film out tomorrow" should still be there. (or if not Bruce, then your new mutual acting hero.)

The point is keep putting future there the rest of your life. No mater how many years you've been married or lovers or whatever. Keep putting it there. Don't take things for granted, don't get patterned in the past, don't get stale. Keep creating the future and putting it there with and for your partner.

Yes, you now know that this girl WILL have sex with you. But that doesn't mean you cut to the chase. Seduce her, treat her like you would treat a first, second or third date. Take her down a path of futures. A little hugging, a dinner, cuddle while you watch TV, a little kissing and then..The future will be more enjoyable for the both of you.

And just like the guy walking down the street, or shopping for "girls" in the mall, you'll stand a better chance of survival.

Finally, when you are continually creating future in a relationship, it gives you a source of feedback from your partner about their changes over time. When you put something out there for the future that she use to enjoy and she says no, that means she is changing or she wants something different, so you learn about your partner, and you change with her and create new things (or if she doesn't go in a direction you want to go then you talk about it and if it's the right thing you go your separate ways).

Just like you assess the girl on the first date to find out if she is the girl for you and how to create a relationship with her, you continually assess your girlfriend or wife of many years by continually putting future out there for her to react to - so you can find out if she is still the girl for you and to know how to create an even better relationship with her.